So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
