He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
