still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
