Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
