i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize