I wish I could teleport
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
