are you so shy because you have an std?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
