Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
