I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
