If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
