i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
