dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
These tits shall not be calmed
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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