I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Randomize