Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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