either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
