I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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