Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
