Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
