I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
