She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
