i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
