when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
