he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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