Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My breasts were aching with rage.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
