So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
