I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
