1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
