shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have feelings that need drinking.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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