he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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