Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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