I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
