no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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