god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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