I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
No subtext here. People are naked.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
