yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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