Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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