And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
