my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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