Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
