I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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