Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
