You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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