Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
