you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
