i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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