Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
