The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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