Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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