yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
