My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize