How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
