Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
