I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So here I am, sexting at work.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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