there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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