Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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