sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
