Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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