I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
