I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
