Swine flu. Run for my life!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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