Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
