I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
