If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize