He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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