So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
