my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
