Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
