She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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