Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize