Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
