No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Blood and glitter go together right?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
