dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
